I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
