youre lurking in front of me
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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