I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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