You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
