Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize