none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
