Tell her she can't have a vagina
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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