There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
