You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
