When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
