it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
