It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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