My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize