I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
