I just pynch a tree in the face
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
