You smell like a Billy Joel song
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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