WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
