Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
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