He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
