I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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