Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
We had sex on a dog bed..
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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