I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
My life is pants optional.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
