Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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