It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
