I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
