there's paper in my vomit.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize