i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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