I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
