And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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