the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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