Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
