I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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