Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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