Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize