he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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