so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
A+ Viking dick
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