i just had sex bonerless
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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