I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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