its not stalking. its research.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
