I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Randomize
