Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
