I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
