Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
