Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize