I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
