my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
