What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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