His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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