No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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