If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
