you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
