Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
