i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
