girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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