Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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