So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
