Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
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