What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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