So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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