dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
