we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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