Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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