I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize