your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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