K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
