Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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