Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
