Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
