Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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